Perceptions from a Pewboy

The process of electing a bishop in the Northeastern Jurisdiction is finished! Thanks be to God!

Now that I can be a bit more forthright, I will tell you that I walked into yesterday’s first ballot with my “exit” speech already prepared. Since our two retiring bishops in the jurisdiction are both women, there was a strong sense leading up to this conference that, for the sake of inclusiveness in the college of bishops, we needed to elect a capable, articulate, visionary, and female episcopal leader.

Given the fact that the pewboy is precisely that—a boy—I never really anticipated being much of a factor when the balloting began. Receiving the annual conference’s endorsement as its episcopal candidate was the honor of a lifetime for me, but I never expected to receive anything more than our delegation’s support once the balloting began. I figured that I would gracefully withdraw my name from the process after the third or fourth ballot. (As an introvert, after all, I never like to overstay my welcome.)

You can imagine my shock—nay, my utter amazement—when the leading vote-getter on the first two ballots was none other than Baron von Pewboy! “Yikes,” I thought to myself, “What in the world does this mean?!”

It was a personal and profound affirmation that I never expected to receive. I’m still attempting to make some kind of sense of it.

By the third ballot, things began to shift. Those who sensed (wisely, I believe) the urgency of electing a capable woman to the episcopacy began to focus their voting on two strong female candidates. By the fourth, fifth, and sixth, ballots, I was a distant third in the voting. The discernment of the conference was clear. Early this morning, (Thursday) I finally gave my brief “exit” speech before the conference. It went something like this:

To have been endorsed as an episcopal candidate by the Western Pennsylvania Annual Conference is an honor that I will never forget.

To have been given the opportunity to spend time with the other twelve episcopal candidates—all of whom are remarkably gifted and have probably forgotten more about ministry than I will ever know—is a privilege that I will never forget.

And to have experienced this time of discernment with all of you as a jurisdictional conference is a life-altering blessing that I will never forget.

It brings great joy and excitement to my heart to be able to return to the portion of the Kingdom that God has established in western Pennsylvania. And yet, as excited as I am about being able to return home, please know that I hold in my heart the journey that I have experienced here. For that journey, I simply say…thank you. From the depths of my soul, thank you.

It is with a profound sense of gratitude that I withdraw my name from the ballot.

In the midst of this process, to God be the glory.

A few ballots later, Rev. Dr. Peggy A. Johnson (from the Baltimore-Washington Annual Conference) was elected to the episcopacy. I have come to know, respect, and love Bishop-elect Johnson over the last several days. We have prayed together, waited together, and listened together. She is a beautifully and abundantly gifted woman who is passionately committed to Jesus Christ and equally committed to the ministry of his church. Our jurisdiction will be strengthened and blessed by her leadership, of that I am convinced. Please be in prayer for Bishop-elect Johnson and her family as they prepare for a new and important season of transition.

So, with that, I am finished with this process. But what an experience it has been! The words of affirmation and encouragement that I have received along the way (both from the Western Pennsylvania delegation and from people I have never even met) have been overwhelming. I have been moved to tears more than once. Bishop Bickerton and Sally and Bishop Bashore and Carolyn (all of whom have been very visible and active here at Jurisdictional Conference) have ministered to me tenderly over the last several days. They could not have been more supportive or affirming.

Also, the “blog care” that I have received from all of you has touched my heart in ways that I can’t even describe. Your gracious words of love, prayer, and support have been a constant source of blessing. I am deeply grateful for your friendship.

You’ll get a kick out of this. As a post-episcopal-process celebration, Joel Garrett and I are going to see the midnight showing of “The Dark Knight” tonight. (It’s playing at the IMAX theater right next to the hotel here in Harrisburg.) I also have tickets to see the film a second time at the Homestead Waterfront with a certain lass of Mediterranean hue. (Tara, by the way, traveled back home today.)

In a few days, Tara and I will be traveling to the Canadian Rockies (Lake Louise, in particular) for a time of sabbath, rest, and play. I had no idea how desperately I would need it. Quite frankly, I am exhausted—but in a strangely good kind of way.

Because of our vacation, I will be away from the blog for a while. I look forward to catching up with you soon.

Until then, grace and peace. Thanks a million for caring about this humble pilgrim and his experiences with the episcopal process!

Here at Jurisdictional Conference in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, it is 4:30 P.M., and I am enjoying a quiet dinner break in my hotel room (with the lovely Tara only a few feet away). I have been participating in the episcopal interviews since 8:30 this morning. Thus far, I have spent time with 7 interviewing teams, and I have two more teams to visit after supper. I am scheduled to be finished with the interview process at 9:00 this evening. Tomorrow, the balloting begins.

I feel tired, but it is not the kind of tiredness that comes from experiencing something negative. Quite the contrary, I have found the whole experience thus far to be surprisingly affirming and rich. Regardless of how people will eventually cast their vote, I have had the consistent sense of being valued, cared for, and even cherished. Most of all, I have been regularly blessed by the realization that I am being upheld in prayer by folks here and folks back home. The result of those prayers, I am convinced, is a spirit of peace by which I have been inwardly occupied in each interview.

In the interview process, I have been confronted by a number of different inquiries, some of which are these:

“What makes you laugh and what brings you to tears?”
“How would you want to be remembered if you retired as bishop?”
“What is your stance on immigration and how can the church speak to this issue?”
“What is your vision for the church?”
“How do you navigate your way though the troublesome issue of homosexuality, and how do you teach on that issue?”
“What is your theology of worship?”
“What are your ideas for reaching youth and young adults, many of whom are completely absent from our pews?”
“What do you consider to be the most pressing issues facing the United Methodist Church?”
“What is the difference between social justice and social ministry, and how do you involve yourself in both?”
“What is your vision for making disciples, and how would you realize that vision in the ministry of the episcopacy?”

Some pretty good stuff, huh?

I’ve met some interesting people along the way. J. Philip Wogaman is a delegate to Jurisdictional Conference. (He was Bill and Hillary Clinton’s pastor at Foundry United Methodist Church in Washington, D.C..) Mike McCurry is also a delegate here. (He was Bill Clinton’s press secretary from 1994 through 1998.) It has been good to experience theological dialogue with such gifted and intelligent people.

Tara and Joel Garrett have been caring for me all day long. I cannot put into words how much it means to have them at my side through this process. They have experienced every minute of the journey with me.

Mike Bill (a lay delegate to Jurisdictional Conference, a member of Central Highlands Church, and a dear friend) is a member of one of the interviewing teams that I visited earlier. In fact, Mike prayed over me in that team as we prepared for the interview. That was a moment I will never forget.

Western Pennsylvania’s delegation has been diligent in its work. The members of the delegation have figured prominently in every interview that I have experienced thus far. You would be proud of them.

So, that’s what I can report at this point. I continue to be grateful for your prayers, your support, and your love. They mean the world to me.

Tomorrow morning (Monday), I will leave for Harrisburg, Pennsylvania for the 2008 Northeastern Jurisdictional Conference of the United Methodist Church. I ask for your prayers.

Pray that the members of Western Pennsylvania’s delegation will experience a strong sense of Christ-centered community with one another. Pray for their strength, their discernment, their eagerness to love and be loved, and their devotion to Jesus Christ.

Pray that all of the delegates to Jurisdictional Conference will be attentive to the things that matter most.

And, if I may be brutally personal for a moment, please pray for me. As Western Pennsylvania’s episcopal candidate, I will participate in a rather grueling and intensive interview process at the Jurisdictional Conference that will require an uncommon amount of vulnerability and focus on my part. I would be lying if I told you that I am not unsettled by the magnitude of it all.

Given the current needs of the Northeastern Jurisdiction, I do not anticipate being elected to the episcopacy this year. I harbor no agendas or fantasies in that regard. I simply want to be authentically who I am throughout the process, all the while remaining available to the things that God wants me to see, hear, and experience. In short, I want to represent the Western Pennsylvania Annual Conference as best I can, thereby honoring the people who have nurtured my discipleship and thereby bringing glory to the One who has saved and called me.

Pray for my soul. Pray for its protection and sanctification. Pray for my wife, Tara, who will be walking with me through the process. Pray for Joel Garrett, my friend and pastoral colleague, who will also be walking with me through the process. Pray for my Mom and Dad, who are proud of their son but who are facing a bevy of health-related struggles right now. Pray for my congregation, the love and support of which have been a constant source of personal blessing in recent days.

And pray for the Northeastern Jurisdictional Conference, that some portion of the Kingdom of God will be incarnated in Harrisburg this week.

I hope to blog soon—perhaps even throughout Jurisdictional Conference (schedule permitting). Until then, be assured of my gratitude for your willingness to undergird me with the ministry of prayer.

In the forum section of my church’s website, a man recently posted this question and experience. I share it here with his permission:

Did I sin? My family and I had the pleasure of going on a short vacation to a water park in Ohio this past weekend. We had stopped at a rest area to stretch our legs and grab a bite to eat. When we got out of the car a colored woman came up to me in tears and said she was traveling to see her sick mother. She told me that she had lost her purse and needed some money for gas to get there. In her car were 2 children and another adult. I had been saving money for this vacation for a long time, and I knew that I could spare a few dollars. But I told her that I was sorry and that I did not have any money for her.

I went into the restroom and thought to myself, ‘why didn’t I give that woman any money?’ Was it that I thought that she was just a moocher looking for some extra cash? Or was it because she was colored? If a white woman asked me the same question, I truly believe i would have reacted the same way, but why do I question myself?

I did end up giving the woman ten dollars and told her, ‘God Bless. I hope this helps.’ I hope I did the right thing.

This was my response to the man’s inquiry:

Hi ________

Thanks again for your honesty and for sharing a portion of your discipleship with us.

In its most recent issue, RELEVANT Magazine published a list of what it considered to be the ten most spiritually significant films of the last decade. In the article, not much was said about how the “spiritual significance” of each film was measured, although the authors did make clear that their desire was to recognize those films that “seem to transcend entertainment and speak to deeper truths.” At any rate, here is RELEVANT’s list of the ten most spiritually significant films of the last decade (in no particular order):

-”O Brother, Where Art Thou?”
-”The Big Kahuna”
-”American History X”
-”Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”
-”American Beauty”
-”Crash”
-”The Green Mile”
-”No Country for Old Men”
-”The Diving Bell and the Butterfly”
-”The Royal Tenenbaums”

What do you think of the list?

Having seen all of the films on the list, I would certainly agree that all the films illuminate important spiritual, ethical, moral, and relational issues. Whether or not they are the MOST spiritually significant films is, of course, a highly subjective matter. What might be a spiritually significant cinematic moment for one moviegoer, after all, might not seem as spiritually significant to another.

My own personal list of the ten most spiritually significant films of the last decade would be different than RELEVANT’s list, although there would be some overlap. Here is my personal list (again, in no particular order):

“A Simple Plan” (1998) This is director Sam Raimi’s haunting exploration of the way in which two brothers—played beautifully by Bill Paxton and Billy Bob Thornton—navigate their way through the moral minefield surrounding the discovery of a large and unclaimed portion of money.

“Fight Club” (1999) Director David Fincher (who also directed “Seven,” “The Game,” and “Panic Room”) creates a complex film that uses the world of underground fighting as a metaphor for the ubiquitious human desperation for authentic and passionate engagement.

“The Green Mile” (1999) If this film (directed by Frank Darabont) doesn’t inspire people to ponder the issues of healing and incarnation, then they are not paying attention. This film actually led to the creation of a new ministry at Christ United Methodist Church (Bethel Park) back in 2000. The new ministry was called REEL SANCTUARY and provided a weekly opportunity for Christ-following moviegoers to watch a film together at the Destinta Theater in Bridgeville and then discuss its spiritual themes in one of the theater’s “party rooms.”

“Magnolia” (1999) Director Paul Thomas Anderson places before us a rich, troubling, and multi-layered exploration of a complex network of human motivations and relationships.

“The Queen” (2006) This choice may surprise some of you. But Helen Mirren’s masterful portrayal of Queen Elizabeth II is nothing short of a spiritually significant achievement. The Queen and her family’s response to the death of the beloved Princess Diana raises important spiritual questions about the nature of political leadership, the role of the monarchy in modern times, and the human hunger for heroes.

“Snow Cake” (2006) Though not a mainstream film, this little gem (directed by Marc Evans) is an exceptional cinematic treatment of the management of grief. The film focuses on the strange friendship between a grieving man (played by Alan Rickman) and a highly-functioning autistic woman (played by Sigourney Weaver).

“Wit” (2001) Though made for cable television, one would be hard-pressed to find a more moving and unsettling film about a woman’s journey with cancer. Directed by Mike Nichols, the film features the brilliant Emma Thompson as a scholar attempting to make sense of her own mortality.

“Crash” (2004) Easily the decade’s most compelling cinematic exploration of racism and race-related issues, Paul Haggis’ film is as prophetic as it is convicting.

“Love, Actually” (2003) Though it functions on one level as an often-raunchy romantic comedy, writer-director Richard Curtis’ film is, at its heart, a witty, poignant, and insightful illumination of various manifestations of love in the human condition.

“Juno” (2007) While avoiding the glorification of teen pregnancy, “Juno” manages to find a redemptive road in the midst of it. Jason Reitman has directed a quiet but important little film here.

Boy, this was hard. If I could make it a “top 15″ list, I would also include “Babel” (2006), “The Pledge” (2001), “Munich” (2005), “Children of Men” (2006), and “There Will Be Blood” (2007).

What would appear on your list of the most spiritually significant films of the last decade?

Comedian and cultural observer Jerry Seinfeld once said that the problem with television commercials is that everybody in television commercials is doing something more fun than what the viewer is doing. “For example,” Seinfeld continues, “I saw a commercial for soda the other day. Soda! A simple carbonated beverage. But, based upon this commercial, one would have thought that this can of soda was the long-awaited solution to all conditions of human misery. Forget about love. Forget about family. Forget about the pursuit of truth and knowledge. What people really need is this can of Mountain Dew. In the commercial, people are jumping, laughing, flying through the air, diving into the ocean.”

Seinfeld said that, while watching the commercial, he looked down at the beverage that he was holding at the time.

“Wow,” he concluded, “maybe I just don’t have enough ice in mine.”

It is most certainly true that one of the advertising industry’s greatest allies is a desire that all human beings seem to share: specifically, the desire to increase our level of joy. Advertisers know that, if they can create the illusion that their product is somehow linked to the accumulation of joy, we might be a bit more inclined to buy it.

But the human hunger for joy is not simply an issue for advertisers. It is also an issue for believers in Jesus Christ. I say that because, in the New Testament, we are told that we are to be carriers of a “joy unspeakable,” a joy so relentless, so authentic, so profound that it defies articulation. In a world where there always seems to be plenty of suffering and hardship, people of faith are called to be agents of unspeakable joy.

That fact leads me to this personal confession: I simply do not feel that I am joyful enough. When I say that, I am not employing a false-modesty to heighten the winsomeness of this blog post. Rather, it is an honest confession. I do not feel that I am growing sufficiently in my experience of the kind of joy that Scripture describes. There is too much grumpiness in my daily demeanor. Too much melancholy. Too much fixating on the things that are inconvenient and difficult. Too much complaining. Too much cynicism. Too much rushing to criticism before seeing the positives. Too much of these things and not enough joy.

Therefore, when I spent some devotional time this morning with the 30th Psalm, I found myself personally convicted. Psalm 30 is a psalm drenched with a spirit of joy. It is certainly true that the Psalms run the entire gamut of human emotions. Some psalms are angry. Some psalms are sad. Some psalms are peaceful. But Psalm 30 is abundantly joyful, painting a portrait of a God who has the wherewithal to bring hope and joy even into the nooks and crannies of our hardships.

“Weeping may tarry through the night,” are the words of the psalmist in the 30th Psalm, “But joy comes with the morning.” That, of course, is the psalmist’s poetic way of articulating the truth that our weeping will not have the final word over the spirit that occupies our soul. Even in our nights of weeping, proclaims the psalmist, the joy of being in relationship with the living God does not fade away. It is always there, ready to be rediscovered in a way that bright and fresh like the morning.

“You have turned my weeping into dancing,” continues the psalmist. “You have taken off my sackcloth and girded me with gladness.” (Sackcloth, by the way, was an uncomfortable garment that people often wore to indicate their condition of grieving or penitence. It was a garment that provided a tangible reinforcement of one’s emotional pain. But here, the psalmist speaks of a God who expands our wardrobe.) “You have taken off my sackcloth and girded me with gladness, so that my soul longs to praise you and will not be silent.”

What is it that the psalmist is describing here? He is describing the joy unspeakable that the New Testament would also describe centuries later. He is describing the joy that cannot be produced by a can of soda or a performance enhancing drug (no matter what a television commercial might suggest). He is describing the unique joy that can only be found in an ever-deepening relationship with the One who created the universe, the One who longs for intimacy with human souls.

This joy is something more than transitory happiness. Happiness, after all, is circumstance-dependent. It is there one minute and gone the next. Authentic joy, on the other hand—the kind of joy that the psalmist describes—is not circumstance-dependent but God-dependent. It is a durable condition of spiritual vibrancy that emerges from the steadfastness of God’s grace, mercy, and love. It is a joy that can occupy a receptive soul even when the circumstances are unhappy.

But how do I make myself available to the kind of joy that the psalmist describes? How do I—how do WE—grow in that joy so that it becomes a more substantive portion of our daily living?

Children have so much to teach us in that regard. That is part of the reason why I love to hang around the church during Vacation Bible School week (which I did last week). During that week, I sit in the sanctuary, watching and listening as the children gather for the opening program each day. They don’t walk into the sanctuary, they run in, as though they look upon even the sanctuary as a fun and playful place to be. They don’t just mumble the songs, they SING them, with laughter and motions, as though they believed that they should be happy about what they are singing.

Children know how to play. They know how to celebrate God with profligate exuberance. Joy seems to be as natural to them as breathing, and I want that kind of childlike joy in my life.

So, my commitment today is not to grow UP but to grow DOWN—down into the kind of childlikeness that will enable me to play with greater abandon; to laugh as though my life depended on it; to sing as though I truly believed that God were listening; to pray as though I really believed that God were sitting beside me; to travel to the land of make-believe whenever the circumstances require a more joyful sense of vision that can only come from some other place; and to live as though I were preparing for something eternal.

How is your joy quotient these days? How is your childlikeness?